This is a rant on love. It's pretty childish, stupid, and lame, but it's just gotta get out somewhere. Not really inspirational or helpful so... ya.
So I was reading through my ninth grade blog and I came across a song I put on there called "Ready for Love" here's the lyrics. it's a beautiful song and I highly recommend you download it.
I am ready for love
Why are you hiding from me
Id quickly give my freedom
To be held in your captivity
I am ready for love
All of the joy and the pain
And all the time that it takes
Just to stay in your good grace
Lately Ive been thinking
Maybe youre not ready for me
Maybe you think I need to learn maturity
They say watch what you ask for
Cause you might receive
But if you ask me tomorrow
Ill say the same thing
I am ready for love
Would you please lend me your ear?
I promise I wont complain
I just need you to acknowledge I am here
If you give me half a chance
Ill prove this to you
I will be patience, kind, faithful and true
To a man who loves music
A man who loves art
Respects the spirit world
And thinks with his heart
I am ready for love
If youll take me in your hands
I will learn what you teach
And do the best that I can
I am ready for love
Here with a offering of
My voice
My eyes
My soul
My mind
Tell me what is enough
To prove I am ready for love
Now I look back at that and I just must laugh really. The thing about why I felt I was so ready for love in junior high is (i didn't figure this out until my senior year) a large portion of how I felt about myself was based on how boys felt about me. The longest time period that I was single from like 6th grade to 12th grade was like 3 weeks. yikes. not a good idea.
So when I had struggles with my relationship my senior year, my entire world went to chaos. I lost like 15 lbs in a month, I couldn't eat, I HATED the sound of the alarm clock in the morning cuz I just had to wake up to go to school and see him flirting with her. it was awful and I was an idiot.
So that's a foreword to why I think that song is so funny. Ever since my last real relationship, my heart is still broken. It literally still hurts. I know that's cheezy and stupid but it's really hard if you didn't break up cuz you didn't like them anymore. If you still have feelings for them. If they're still your best friend. Now I have a wall around my feelings. I don't want anyone to hurt me and even more than that I don't want to hurt anyone else. It's not really a healthy way of living. Or is it?
Anyways, my bishop does this cool thing where he answers the questions from kids in the ward. The last question was something along the lines of "What do I do when my heart's been shattered?" Katie and Celeste laughed but it really struck a chord with me. That's really how I am right now. Can't give away my heart cuz I never really got it back and if I ever do I know it most definately won't be the same. I was just hurt so badly. So badly. Anyways again, my bishop reminded us that "it only takes one" and to be honest, I'm not looking for "the one" right now, I don't even want a boyfriend. But I should let people into my life and love them. I should be willing to be friends with guys. I shouldn't dread every night I go on a date. Because sometimes, you end up having a really great time and even if it doens't go anywhere, you had fun. And fun is good :D.
I really don't know what my point is in all this. Basically I think I just would never say this to anyone, but for some reason I can type it all up. Oh and please don't think I hate anyone for ever hurting me. I've learned so much from every relationship I've ever been in.
I just don't want to get hurt again.
But I should be willing to let people get close to me.
Now I just wonder if I actually will.
4 comments:
Celeste and I were laughing because he said something like, those of you who haven't had your hearts broken are lucky, or something like that. It was just ironic. I noticed that it struck a chord with you and I wasn't sure if you wanted to talk about it or anything, but now I wish that I'd brought it up. But maybe, like you said, you wouldn't have wanted to talk about it out loud.
We make me laugh. You and I are both such extremes of the same problem. Maybe that's why we're friends :D We're good for each other. Love you!!!
Can I tell you I know exactly how you feel right now. Prayer, friends, and time are a few of the things that helped me. One thing I have realized is that I will always hold a special place in my heart for the people I have loved before my awesome husband. We had great times together (some not so great), but it's okay to remember the good times and all I learned. And it's okay to have more good times with more people until you meet your eternal companion. All of those people and the experiences you have will only deepen you and make you more prepared to be a wife and mother. Well, I could babble on and on about this topic, but just know I am among many who sympathize with your heart and I tell you it's okay to feel the way you feel. Remember, prayer, friends, and time. You're awesome!
Yeah, I laughed cause I'd never even had the chance to have my heart broken, and I looked at Katie cause i was pretty sure she hadn't either. I wasn't laughing cause it was cheesey or dramatic. :)
Much Love Stace-a-face! You are the greatest.
haha got it celeste and katie i'm just stupid like that to be honest
and bonnie thanks. you're such a sweetheart. did taylor give you your present yet?
Post a Comment